my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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