1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
