New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
she smelled like a LAN party
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
