Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
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