I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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