No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Randomize
