I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
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