I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
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