Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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