if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Randomize