On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
