facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
