I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
