what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Edward fifth and chaser hands
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
