The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
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