Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
