Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
