Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
