I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
