dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
