I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
My sheets look like a crime scene.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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