My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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