I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
