I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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