Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
