bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Randomize
