READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
