It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
