you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
