Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
