So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
fuck your aforementioned shoe
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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