Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(617): View more from Massachusetts

I cannot find my penis.

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(613): View more from Ontario

There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.

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(409): View more from Texas

We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus

(1-409): View more from Texas

How are you texting me from 1998?

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(646): View more from New York

All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there

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(315): View more from New York

My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.

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(248): View more from Michigan

Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable

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(917): View more from New York City

I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.

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(+44): View more from United Kingdom

So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds

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(918): View more from Oklahoma

The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.

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