Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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