You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Randomize
