On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize