one two three fourrrrnication!
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
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