My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
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