I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
My penis needs a shock collar
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
