he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
This toilet bowl is my home.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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