in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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