I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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