Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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