I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
