I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
