you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
