omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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