I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
