I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Randomize