Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
