I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
