I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Randomize
