You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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