saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
