Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize