you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
