i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Randomize
