just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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