Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
You know, be my cock's hype man.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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