I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Randomize
