yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
