if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
