She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Randomize
