He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
