I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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