giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
