I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Randomize
