It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
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