i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
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