you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Will exercising make me less horny?
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