we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
