I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize