Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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