anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Randomize
