piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Tell her she can't have a vagina
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
It's shark week go big or go home
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize