don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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